Courage Cringe - Starting My Journey

I've never thought of myself as brave. Brave is something others did - soldiers going off to battle, civil rights activists standing up for their humanity, scientists forging new ways to treat disease. You know, BIG stuff. So when I told my co-workers at Microsoft last spring that I was leaving an amazing job with people I love to 'find my next thing', I was floored when they told me how brave I was.

Here's the thing - I was and still am - terrified.

The other thing they told me is how I had helped them. Two weeks before I left, I gave a talk to about 100 people about being authentic. About how I almost crashed and burned when I started at Microsoft nearly a decade ago because I wouldn't let people in. I wouldn't let my co-workers see that underneath my calm and 'I got this' veneer, I was failing and needed help. I wasn't sure that giving a talk about authenticity as I was leaving was a smart move, but the feedback was overwhelmingly positive. People shared their stories and feelings that they couldn't be authentic at work, that the need to be 'perfect' all the time was slowly ripping them, and sometimes their families, apart. 

These feelings of terror and fear, the drive to be perfect and to have it all together, have reared their heads way too often in my life. What I've realized in leaving my corporate nest is that I'm not alone. Over and over I talk with people who are wrestling inside with similar or even stronger feelings that they're not in the right place or doing the right things for their lives. As I have heard wise people say many a-time lately - the aloneness is what we also all share. I'm incredibly grateful to be able to have left a great job and figure things out. I'm incredibly grateful that I'm taking a big leap into the unknown by starting my own coaching and consulting practice. And I continue to wrestle with my fear and perfectionism. 

But, as a huge fan of Brené Brown, I hear her loud and clear as I write this - "you can't get to courage without rumbling with vulnerability - embrace the suck". The journey of being vulnerable and brave takes practice and awareness. And I am so fortunate to have amazing people in my life who give me a nudge when I'm stuck, an ear when I need to let it out, and a hand to support me on rocky paths. I'm excited to share my journey with you as I eternally work to become a better coach and human being.