Is this really our best?

‘What if we’re all doing our best?’ I’ve been struggling with Brené Brown’s message of empathy for others the past few months. The pandemic and economy causing fear, mistrust and anxiety that drives people to put themselves and others at risk, to shame and hurt each other on social media and in person. The explosions from police brutality and racism firing up anger, frustration, sadness and outrage, driving peaceful protests and then hijacking those protests that cause further damage and destruction to our communities and people.

It’s hard to see the ‘best’ in some of us right now, and I admit my own patience to look for it is thin. Like all of us my resilience is being tested and my stress behaviors are rearing out. Feelings of inadequacy – am I doing enough, am I voicing enough, am I making change possible; feelings of sadness and anger, feelings of helplessness to change anything.

The feelings are amplified by the cycles of change within my own life. Even when made by choice and accompanied by great joy, change brings grief, stress and pressure. I am having to face that I have some pretty big control and perfectionism issues, and the big strides I’d made in being more present are definitely being challenged. If it were just me it’d be one thing, but the wonderful silver lining to the pandemic is being sheltered with my fiancé and our sons, and they are taking the brunt of my issues. Am I really being my ‘best’ with them and my clients? My perfectionism says ‘no’.

What should I do?

I connect with the words of a fellow Hudson coach who eloquently said:

For many of us, especially those of us who are white, finding the right words to speak, in the right place or the right time, or just the right way to join the conversation can be hard and overwhelming.

Overwhelmed is right, and I do know his suggestions for communicating with empathy and curiosity are practical and helpful.

I also know that I also find hope and optimism in stories that are emerging: police kneeling in solidarity with protesters. Citizens cleaning up stores that have been looted and broken. Women standing in between protesters and police, people of all color protecting children and standing up for the rights of those they’ll never meet.

What I also know is I have to give love, grace and peace to everyone around me. Those in my home, those I work with, and to myself. Sometimes today’s best is enough.